Parenting Psychology

In a family system, different members contribute to each other’s issues, just like a web. When one part of the web is touched, the others parts move. When this intricate web affects each family member, we may not be aware. However, we can look at critical incidences in our life – for instance, you may have had a divorce that affected your children adversely. But you assume that you know what they are thinking, and never really talk things through to process the feelings.

Contributed Pain begins to develop. Contributed Pain is exacerbated with the sense of denial. This sense of denial is actually created from imaginary omnipotence – thinking you already know when you don’t really know.

For example, Mr. X has divorced his wife, but his children know about it. Mr. X assumes that they know everything about the divorce. The problem is Mr. X has not spoken to his children. They are forming assumptions about their father and their mother. They are learning and modeling at the same time. It is essential Mr. X learns to stop his imaginary omnipotence and begin to see for himself that he really doesn’t have common ground with his children. He doesn’t absolutely know what they are thinking or feeling. It’s merely an assumption.

In a typical family, patterns of behavior occur due to the family dynamic. We are each in charge, and at the same time, we are each not in charge. The dilemma builds, but in the end, each individual is responsible for creating or facilitating a change in the family for the better. One rule of thumb is “For things to change, I must change first”.

To learn more about family therapy, click here.

To learn more about family systems theory, click here.