Learned Helplessness
7th March 2006
There is a book entitled Learned Helplessness, by Martin Seligman. It highlights how children are sometimes placed in a psychological dilemma that leads them to stop and give up straight away. At such a delicate stage, it would be difficult to intervene if we did not understand the thinking and psychology behind the intervention. A child who just gives up without the desire to press on or fight on is often in this stage of helplessness, because of the belief that nothing they do will work. One thing we can do is to prove to the child otherwise, and begin to surround the child with options that are possible that do not lead to our limited understanding of punishment or reward. More importantly, learned helplessness is created from external means of motivation and punishment. By inculcating more of an inner feeling of motivation, this vicious ‘helplessness’ cycle can be broken. One may wonder – are parents also in a state of ‘helplessness’ too? Yes! I think some of you have done so much that you have come to a point of giving up. In reality, you are fighting perceptions that are not necessarily real, objectively speaking. Parents need to also learn how to break out of helplessness so as to become more aware and shift their habitual patterns to develop flexibility (I mean many other choices, not just one).