SCORE Model for Parents
7th March 2006
A lot of parents have never seen their own reflection until they see their children. 
It’s sometimes wonderful, sometimes scary because they do the things you do… and some of those are just bad habits!
Let’s look at a resourceful way of helping our children a little more. Each time you encounter a problem, it’s a symptom of the actual problem. I had a parent complain to me about her daughter not listening to her. Turns out she really has an irritating voice whenever she nags, and when I recorded her voice and played it back to her, I asked her how her voice sounded, and she got the point. No point going for the symptom alone. You need to consider the impact of the root cause. In this case, the parent wants the child to get something done. In all my life as a trainer and counselor, I have never seen someone do something meaningless. In fact, to many children, studying is meaningless beyond just the grades. Parents therefore need to consider that the cause might just be them. After this, you will have to determine what the cause is, and how to best solve the problem. Think of your outcome. This is where you need to go. Think in terms of the actual result and imagine being there. Now, between your current situation and the outcome, you need some resources to get you there. So the mother had to learn how to put things persuasively and in a way that her daughter would listen. Finally, the systemic effect has to be ecological - that is all members of the family will benefit. Just because she speaks to daughter A this way now should not adversely impact her own amount of time spent with daughter B. In other words, the new behavior should not take away but add to the greater good in the family.
By using the SCORE model, you can start thinking about your effective courses of action and start using them to build a better family!