The reason why kids lie is because they want to be protected. Parents often ask or say things that lead their children to lie, a factor I term as Contributed Pain. By asking the questions (‘Did you do your homework’) parents may end up contributing to the propensity to lie. Kids need to feel that whatever their choice, there is no threat, psychological or otherwise. If not, they will become more attuned to lying. If parents look at their own childhood, they may realize that lying was part and parcel of being safe, especially if their parents were either physically or mentally or emotionally threatening. In order to prevent this from being an issue, parents have to learn how to communicate with their children effectively.

Most parents ask me about motivating their children. They don’t seem to be able to do it. But I also know that in the context of Singapore today, parenting styles we once had are completely different from those that we need today!